A Battle of Thoughts
hugging her legs tight for she was afraid that if she let go of them, they
might take her somewhere she didn’t wish to go. She felt like she was at The Edge of the World. One step forward and she would fall forever into the
inside her that was teasing her, calling her a coward for not being able to do
it earlier. She had sat at this very place a few hours ago, knife in her hand,
wanting to slice through her wrists for she didn’t know any other way out of
the mess she had gotten herself into. She wasn’t scared of the sin she was
about to commit nor did she care about the after effects of it. It really won’t
be any of her business, right? She would be free from all this. The voice was
encouraging her, luring her to do it, for it was tired of the emotional pain
that she had put it through. The only way to let it all would be to cause
physical pain. She vaguely smiled at the logic. She took the knife closer to
her wrist and touched the tip to her wrist, applying a little pressure.
Surprisingly, it didn’t hurt! Instead it felt good; it felt like that was the exact
moment she was waiting for so long.
finish it soon. And just when she was about to slice her wrist mercilessly, she
heard his voice saying he loved her. “Lies” she cried through gritted
teeth as his voice refused to stop ringing in her ears. He had claimed eternal
love but when the time had come to prove it, he had escaped! He had left her to
pursue his dreams. “I do love you Kriya, but I have to go. I might never get an opportunity like this” he had said before flying to The States! Did he consider
her so selfish to become an obstacle in his path? Where did all the love go?
is self-centered; it’s just the radius that differs’ said a small voice at the
back of her mind. Wasn’t she being selfish too, trying to end her life for
someone who didn’t care enough about her, when she should have been thinking
about the others in her life who loved her? She sat there for a long time, her
thoughts fighting a battle of their own. She could either take a step forward
and end it all or go back to living her life, which was a mess at that time. ‘But
you could always work it out’ said the sane voice again. It was a hard battle
but gradually, her grip on the knife loosened as the selfish part was
defeated. She stood up slowly dusting herself and wiping her tears, determined
to make a fresh start.
PS: Last month, on my Blog’s first anniversary, I had written a guest post about Self confidence on my friend Gayu Di’s blog – Outside the Kitchen Window. She is a friend I got on Facebook and her writing inspired me to start this blog. So, while you are here, do give it a read. You can read my guest post here.