It was a few weeks before my interview. I was just a little nervous, for the obvious reasons. Cousins, who visited home used to give me tips to boost my confidence. It was one such occasion when one of my cousin had visited. After speaking to me about my plans and he left to speak with others. I was on my way out, when I overheard their conversation. They were in the adjacent room and were obviously discussing about me. I would have let it pass and went on my way, when I heard the person he was talking to mention my blog. I paused, wondering what it might be they were saying and strained to hear clearly. What I heard next made me wish I hadn’t stopped.
That person was telling my cousin how I have my hands full with so many things and as if that wasn’t enough I waste all my time in useless activities like blogging instead of devoting my time to studies. Two words stood out for me – ‘Waste time’ and ‘Useless’. How can someone call it useless. Sure, it wasn’t that bad, was it? It felt like someone had punched me hard. My limbs seemed to forget the fact that they were capable of walking and I stood rooted to the spot, fighting tears. After what felt like an eternity, I slowly made way to my room, wishing to stay alone for sometime. Once I was alone in my room, I let the cool composure crumble and let the feelings take over.
I was a bundle of emotions; I could hardly think straight. I took deep breathes to calm myself and tried to analyse the situation. Once I was calm enough to think, I tried to see reason in the whole conversation. Sure, it was an important phase in my life and carelessness would affect my future. But I was careful. I hadn’t avoided my studies and devoted all my time to blogging. In fact, I had written considerably less at that time. But why the accusation? Was academics everything? Was there no place for passion? Did dreams mean nothing?
It felt like deja vu. Years ago, I was made to choose. Initially I had resisted and tried to keep living my dream but soon the younger me had felt defeated. I had given up everything; all the hobbies I dearly loved and devoted all my time to studies, trying to play the good girl role. Though I was fine over time, I had missed a certain joy in life. Now, after all these years, I had picked up writing and my life was slowly getting back on track again. I was doing something I loved, something that made me happy. But why were they making me choose again? Was compromise the only solution?
The answer came quickly – ‘No!’ The thought of giving up itself caused so much pain. So, that was not an option to consider. I was old enough now to take my own decisions. I knew the difference between good and bad. I knew how much it would hurt if one lets go of their dreams. I had done it once and paid the price. I wouldn’t do the same mistake again! There was no studies ‘or’ blogging. There was studies ‘and’ there was blogging. I wouldn’t choose one. I wouldn’t compromise for anything this time. I wouldn’t let words like ‘Time Waste’ and ‘Useless’ affect me anymore. I would follow my heart and work towards realizing my dreams; of this, I was positive.
Until the next post,
Keep Smiling 🙂