Have I ever told you how much I love you? Maybe I haven’t. I always speak about mom, how much I love her, how she stands by me all the time. I wonder why I always speak only about her! I always write about her and I never fall short of words. But today when I was thinking about something to write from F and the word Father crossed my mind, it occurred to me that I have never written about you. It left me puzzled. Why I never told you I love you? Why mom is the first person who comes to my mind always? A small voice in my mind answered – Maybe because it is her I spent all my time with at home. Maybe because she was the one who wiped my tears when I cried, put medicine on my bruises when I fell and stood by me when I was scared. You always made fun of my tears, dismissed my bruises as nothings and called me a coward when I got scared.
When in school, I used to see my friends’ dads coming to drop them and pick them. I longed for you to do the same. When I grew up, I saw my friends’ dads still taking care of them like they did when they were kids- being there with them, doing their work, helping them out in every little thing in the outside world. I wondered why you never did all those for me. It made me wonder what had I done that you wouldn’t care for me like my friends’ fathers did.
But now that I am a grown up adult, I realize why you did what you did. I know it hurt you when I was hurt but you were only trying to teach me not to dwell on such small issues. I know my tears hurt you but you wanted me to learn to have a control over my emotions. I know it might have been difficult to call me a coward when I was scared, you never would have left me alone if it was in your hands, but you wanted to teach me to overcome my fears.
I understand now that you weren’t able to drop or pick me from school because you had to travel to a different city for work everyday. You could have easily shifted to that city, but you wanted to stay with us and chose to travel daily instead. You had an auto rickshaw arranged for me so that I can commute easily. I now understand that it wasn’t lack of care you showed when I grew up. You left me on my own and wanted to learn how things are done because you wanted me to learn and be independent. You never wanted me to bow my head by knowing nothing. Sure enough, I can do all my work now, without depending on anyone.
You were always there, I just wasn’t aware! It must have hurt you so much knowing that I think you don’t care for me. You could have easily been that caring person I longed for. But you chose to mask your love and care and put forth a tough face; a task impossible if it weren’t for the love you have for me. Mom might have always been there for me and she might be the reason I am who I am today, but it is equally true that you made me stronger. You taught me how to lead life, how to reign my emotions and how to face the big bad world bravely. You believed in me even when I myself didn’t. You pushed me forward and made me reach this position in life. You are equally responsible for shaping me into a better person. It was just I who realized it a little late.
Dad, thank you <3
PS: Linking this post to A to Z Challenge 2017. If you are participating too, please leave a link to your blog in the comments.
Until the next post,
Keep Smiling 🙂